RECORDING: Some Class #4

Ever noticed how the most important conversations are often the ones we handle worst?

At Busways, three crucial conversations need to happen. But they're not the ones you think.

Most people want to jump straight to negotiating solutions. But that's like trying to build a house without laying the foundation. It collapses under pressure.

Here's what's fascinating: Research from Kerry Patterson and Joseph Grenny shows that in high-stakes situations, we tend to fall into one of three conversation-killing traps:

1. The Accusation Trap
   "You're being unfair!" (New drivers to management)
   "You're threatening our benefits!" (Veteran drivers to union)
   "You're making unreasonable demands!" (Management to everyone)
2. The Righteousness Trap
   Everyone believes they're on the moral high ground. But when everyone's on the mountain top, nobody can see the valley of common ground below.
3. The Solution Trap
   Jumping to solutions before establishing trust and understanding. It's like prescribing medicine before diagnosing the illness.

Instead, here are the three crucial conversations that need to happen first:

1. The Story Conversation
   Not about what happened, but about what meaning we've attached to it.

• Why do veteran drivers feel threatened rather than secure?
• Why do new drivers feel devalued rather than patient?
• Why does management feel cornered rather than collaborative?

1. The Impact Conversation
   Not about positions, but about real human impact:
   "When I see others getting paid more for the same work, I feel..."
   "When I think about losing benefits I've counted on, I worry..."
   "When I look at our financial projections, I fear..."
2. The Possibility Conversation
   Not about demands, but about shared vision:
   "What could Busways look like if we got this right?"
   "How might we create a system that works for everyone?"

But here's the key: These conversations must happen in order. Skip one, and the whole process derails.

Think of it like defusing a bomb. Cut the wrong wire first, and...boom.

The most powerful question isn't "What's your position?"
It's "What's your story?"

In our next piece, we'll explore specific techniques for having these conversations, including the exact words that transform accusation into curiosity.